House Hunting
by Lipton Lee
Summary: Jess and Rory look for greener pastures...


Disclaimer: the characters aren't mine. Most of the fics mentioned aren't mine. I'm just having fun... Authors include: Mahlialily, Holly Gilmore, Angeleyez, Secretstar, Green Eye, Lydia, Oregano, Samantha, Kimlockt, Angel Monroe, and if I'm missing anyone, I apologize... you can beat me up...  
  
Spoilers: Anything's fair game... and fanfic spoilers as welll..  
  
Summary: Jess and Rory look for Greener pastures...  
  
Rating: PG-13  
  
House Hunt  
  
The Gilmore Kitchen:  
  
Rory is sitting at the kitchen table a couple of days before filming the season finale, reading a thick script, drinking coffee. She skims over a page, over a page, and spits out her coffee in abrupt surprise. Her eyes wide, she reads it over again.  
  
Dean walks up with a plate of fries.  
  
DEAN: Hey, Rory. What's wrong?  
  
RORY: (Still in shock, hands DEAN the script)  
  
DEAN: (Reading it over) "They draw closer into an embrace, Rory and Dean- (He drops the scrip).  
  
RORY: (Nodding numbly)  
  
DEAN: No offense or anything, Rory, but... I don't wanna kiss you...or... do... that... with you... I'm kinda married.  
  
RORY: I don't wanna kiss you, either! God, Jess is going to be livid!  
  
JESS walks in and sits next to RORY  
  
JESS: Be livid about what?  
  
DEAN picks up the script and hands it to JESS, who reads over and rolls his eyes.  
  
JESS: Jeez... aren't they sick of you two already?  
  
RORY: Apparently not... I don't wanna kiss Dean... or anything! Why can't I kiss you?  
  
JESS smirks.  
  
JESS: Because you don't wanna be with me.  
  
RORY: Ugh. Damned writers. They don't know what I want!  
  
DEAN: They do, remember? They caught you guys getting naked between takes on the bridge?  
  
RORY turns red and JESS grins.  
  
DEAN: ... and in the Diner.  
  
JESS: Luke will never forgive us for that one.  
  
DEAN: And wasn't there something with you guys in Doose's?  
  
RORY: (mutters) Maybe...  
  
DEAN: So, they know what you want, Rory. They just aren't willing to give it to you.  
  
RORY: Let's move!  
  
JESS: (looking confused) Move where?  
  
RORY: Come on! There has to be a friendlier plot than this!  
  
DEAN: You could always look to fanfic...  
  
RORY pulls out the Big Book O' Fanfic Yellow Pages...  
  
RORY: Hmmm... Echo...? No... that won't end well...  
  
JESS: I like that one...  
  
DEAN: (Rolls his eyes) Why aren't there any good fics with me in them?  
  
JESS: You're the bad guy, my friend. I'm sorry.  
  
DEAN: (sighs)  
  
RORY: What about Previously On Gilmore Girls?  
  
JESS: That took place a year ago!  
  
RORY: So?! How about Next, On Gilmore Girls?  
  
JESS: It might work...  
  
RORY: There's always A Little Dramatic Irony...  
  
JESS: (Looks over the plot) Thanks, but no thanks... I hate comas.  
  
RORY: Picky! What about Defending Bjork?  
  
JESS: That took place TWO years ago!  
  
RORY: I wouldn't mind being seventeen again...  
  
DEAN: I get dumped and beat up on in just about every single plot...  
  
JESS: Yet you live to tell the tale.  
  
RORY: I vote Kiss the Bride!  
  
JESS: Mushy!  
  
RORY: Cute! We're so happy there!  
  
JESS: What about Dust to Dust?  
  
RORY: You want to be a schizophrenic who can't brush his own hair? I still sleep with Dean in that one...  
  
JESS: Point. What about Easier to Run?  
  
RORY: We're broken up in that one.  
  
JESS: Yeah... but... Bella's hot!  
  
RORY: (glares) Fine! Then you might as well leave me for Choking on the Pretense as well! Go find that hot little redhead!  
  
JESS: Really? Can I?  
  
RORY: JESS!!  
  
JESS: (looking over it) Oohhh... Being Right is Over-Rated... Can we?  
  
RORY: Also set in the past.  
  
JESS: I don't care. I want to ravish you against the diner's kitchen wall.  
  
RORY: Oh, my god...  
  
DEAN: (sighs again) Aren't there any fics about Lindsay and I?  
  
JESS: (Looking) None that end well...  
  
DEAN: Damn.  
  
RORY: What about Shivery?  
  
JESS: Aren't you nuts in that one?  
  
RORY: Oh... right...  
  
JESS: Slowest form?  
  
RORY: We're not even together in that one yet... we're still trying to stop running away from each other, I think... You ran out all... miserable in the last updated chapter...  
  
JESS: Damn... why can't we ever be happy?  
  
RORY: Kiss the Bride...  
  
JESS: I don't wanna get married yet. I'm not ready... Globes and Maps?  
  
RORY: You cheat on me!  
  
JESS: Oh... yeah.  
  
RORY: Over Time.  
  
JESS: Again... coma. No.  
  
RORY: Ooooh. Reason for Breathing?  
  
JESS: Huh... if we can relive the entire thing over and over again, I'm game... or... How about A Whole New World?  
  
RORY: You want my mother to have breast cancer?!  
  
JESS: (cringing) Or not...  
  
DEAN: Face it, you guys. You'll never find the perfect plot. There is no happily ever after for you that doesn't involve massive plot devices, weddings, or ankle-biting children.  
  
RORY: (pouts) He's right. We're trapped.  
  
JESS: (sighs) I guess we'll just have to... keep sneaking off between takes... it's not so bad.  
  
RORY: (pouts again) I don't wanna sleep with Dean!  
  
DEAN: I don't wanna sleep with you, either! That's it. I'm gonna go find Lindsay. (He leaves)  
  
RORY: (sighs, depressed)  
  
JESS: It isn't that bad... and... you won't really sleep with Dean...You'll fake it for the audience.  
  
RORY: How do you know the writers won't demand realism?  
  
JESS: If they do, I'm taking hostages.  
  
RORY: (snickers, wrapping an arm around him) My hero.  
  
END 


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